I am Free from the Demon of Depression, Panic Attacks and Social Fear.

I am Free From the Demon of Depression, Panic Attacks and Social Fear.

joshua 8/16/2012

My dear brothers and sisters , Praise the Mighty God . I have good news for you. Jesus is the same, today, yesterday and forever.

Here is my personal story.

In 1993, I was taken to a foreign land to study. I had no coping mechanisms, since I was young and foreign, I resorted to lying. I mean I could come up with stories about something that has never happened. If i was a fictitious writer, I would have got a Nobel price for my talent. The students in that school automatically gave me a nickname “Mr Hare”. I would lie myself out of a problem, lie myself into being loved, lie my way into a teacher’s heart. I mean i was the master of deceit. When I left for High school, the art was perfected on a different level. I found myself being voted to be the counselor (a status position , where privileges like freebies, food came in handy in boarding school). This position was only given to a person voted in by the majority of student. I was loved by everyone because of being everything to anyone. I was like a chameleon, you would say in a sense.

Now, I want to tell you something brethren, the devil is the master of planning. He always has an intention when he gets you into something and you keep practicing against your conscious, thinking it is a small thing. You see, I had the world in my hands but later did i know, i was getting set up by the devil. Two years into high school, I left my continent and headed into another continent. Different culture, different life style. I was used of pleasing people, making them feel at home but this time the tables were turned. I mean every kind of lie or fictitious story i would come up with [to warm up to anyone] backfired. Every little approach to please anyone would come back to bite me. The citizens of this community were not into mingling with other cultures, in fact they were not used to people who were of a different background. The devil sent me into a state of confusion, where I would look for ways and plans to please these guys but whenever I tried, I would be sent back with frustration and failures. All my sense of belonging that revolved around large group of friend for social contact came to an abrupt end. The devil had got me where he wanted. You recall what I told you, I relied on peoples praise and what they thought about me, to go through a day. Well, these people thought about me in a different way, they made sure I got it into my mind. Getting abused was the order of the day. I automatically went into a defense mode. I thought that everyone of this community was of this type. I just need to cope up. I eventually decided to withdraw from the community. I found myself in the house for over 6 months .

Later did i fall into the trap of being hauled by the demon of social fear. I found myself having to hide from visitors, avoiding to go to the shops, avoiding to go out of the house, or even just looking out of my window. I was a prisoner in my own room. There are moments i would just lie to my mum that am tired and don’t have the strength to wake up. The devil loved this, he made sure to torment me with his lies.

I never believed in the word of God, even though i knew it but it was not sinking in my mind to take hold of my thoughts. I never knew why this was until today when God revealed a scripture to me:

“You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies. Yet because I tell the truth, you do not believe me! ….If I am telling the truth, why don’t you believe me? Whoever belongs to God hears what God says. The reason you do not hear is that you do not belong to God.”(John8:42-47)

This scripture is very true because all my life i was a liar, and all i knew was this native language of Satan. To all of you reading this, do not ever practice lying, because my friends you perfecting your minds to this native language of Satan. When you read the word of God, you will never understand Him at all. Understanding the Word of God will be like trying to listen or read Chinese and yet you have never come across it. Anyway, i was taken down this dark road of hopelessness. I saw everyone with suspicion, thinking they were here to make me feel bad, or criticize me, or ridicule me.

Going to university was a menace. The spirits “recharged” their torment. The regular need to attend a class without feeling the tension set the panic attacks in. I mean I would get these overwhelming fears of fear, throbbing down my stomach, propelling my heart to record speed heart beats, sweating was a regular thing. I was like a human sprinter doing 100 m track race and yet doing it while seated, not moving a muscle. The organs just kept pumping up till i would leave the room. This only meant one thing, the more I avoid these social situations the less panic attacks would hit me. Little did i know it was another set up by the master of liars. He was robbing my time, year after year without my knowledge. After four years of university, hardly attending classes, i left without a decent degree. I went back home, still in the same situation.

Think of how a zombie is, that’s how i was. The panic attacks would disable every thought process. I would go numb, and not speak with authority. I had no confidence at all. Every time i met people, I tried to look for ways to control the conversation or suck up to them so that my mind would be at peace. My friends, this were several spirits working in harmony to destroy and kill me.

After 12 years of torment, early this month I thought to myself – enough is enough. I sat down and looked up for healing forums on Google. I found this beautiful site. The testimonies of what God has managed to do in all of your lives lit up bulbs in my mind. They gave me hope that He can do to me what he did in your lives. I limited my time on internet [a tool i used daily to offset my depressive thoughts]. I made sure if i was to use the net, i would just come and read the testimonies .

A week in, i naturally entered a state of praying. I prayed for these spirits to leave me , but still the doubtful thoughts clouded my mind. I later asked someone to pray for me and he gave me keith moore’s videos to watch. One of them was about thanking God in every circumstance you are in. I decided to thank and praise God about His goodness over my life. Everyday my faith grew in God. It was not easy but I had to over look those nagging thoughts that many depressed people have .

Today morning, at 7 am, I woke up and took a shower, head to a silent room and started praying  earnestly. I asked God to slay every demon. I started mentioning their names… The demon of Fear [ slay its head off and torment it for more than a thousand years, cast it out from my mind, heart and soul] , The demon of panic attacks , … The demon of Procrastination …. The demon of second guessing what people think about me…… The demon of worrying, … The demon of visualizing negative things before they even happen… I prayed in Jesus, and thanked God. In the middle of the prayer, I felt my stomach churning, and felt an ease beyond any kind of peace i have ever felt. I knew it was Almighty Jesus doing this, His blood poured through those wounded sores, and replenished the damaged areas of my mind, destroyed every bondage that Satan had laid on me, i can tell you my brothers as i write this, He is still filling my mind with tingles of joy , i think the more i praise Him and give testimony about this the more i get this over joyful feeling. And i will keep doing this to shut down satan who robbed this temple of God for 12 years.

 I wonder what Jesus would have used me for all those 12 years. If i meditated the word of God daily and walked with Him. I would have reached a lot of people. But there is still more time, and i am confident HE will make more use of his temple, now that am healed.
To all of you who have no hope….. JESUS CHRIST Says :

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10.

Satan has stolen, killed and destroyed a bit of your life but know this, …. Jesus is coming to give you life, and give you to the fullest. I mean whatever the devil stole, killed and destroyed in your life will be restored and added more till you wont be able to handle the blessings. If He is still making you to doubt, take your time and visualize Job whose family, livestock, wealth, and his body were completely destroyed but God covered him with blessings that doubled what were destructed by satan.

Our righteousness is not based on how we feel, or how much good we do. I am because Jesus Christ is righteous.

Our health does not depend on what disorders we have right now. We are healthy because Christ in us is HEALTH. Therefore am healed because Jesus Christ is pure and free from any defection.

God bless you all.


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